I spent 34 years in the field of education most of which was as an assistant superintendent at one of Michigan’s regional education service agencies serving staff and students in twenty-one metropolitan Detroit school districts. My staff was responsible for providing materials and teacher training in curriculum, instruction, and information technologies. We also monitored student performance in all districts. 
            One activity included surveying graduating high school seniors in an effort to learn what schooling aspects they felt were good or not so good. The final question was always, “Is there a part of your school experience you found particularly helpful.” 
            Student comments often included observations on school atmosphere, sports programs, lunches, transportation and, very important to us, curriculum and learning techniques. Year after year, one answer appeared among a majority of student responses. Asked to note what they felt was the most valuable aspect in their school program, teachers was the overwhelming response. They included items such as books, computers, videos, etc. but number one was most often, teachers.           
            At first, this answer was unexpected. After all, these youngsters were juggling textbooks, grades, assignments, home study/personal time and individual research assignments under demanding parameters. Still, a majority of students declared teachers their most valuable learning tool. 
            As we considered this answer, we observed learning requires a combination of exposure to information, skill development, sharing of ideas, and personal growth. We also knew and were glad to have confirmed, learning is a two-way street. In addition to providing information and skill development programs, educators must also encourage students to express their views and perspectives. 
            This input enables teaching staff to organize, sequence, and clarify information to fit varying abilities and to motivate and internalize newly discovered material. 
            When much adult work shifted from an emphasis on physical ability to mind/action in the 20th century, school programs, mainly focused on imparting basic reading, writing, and math skills, had to be adjusted to include to a broader spectrum of content and learning. Today, intelligent machines, global competition and a variety of social and economic factors demand future workers have a very wide range of work, knowledge, and interpersonal skills. 
            Success today requires workers to out-think as well as out-perform local and global competitors. Read-write-recite and computational skills will continue to be important, but they are no longer all a youngster needs. Today’s school programs must help our children understand what is happening and how it will impact them in the future. 
            Fortunately, we have a long-proven school resource that is particularly effective at doing these things – teachers. Teachers are a human bridge to the dazzling future that is emerging around students.
            Teachers adapt learning processes and materials to suit varied levels of student abilities. They identify emerging information, and skill sets students will need to keep pace, then alter programs to prepare them appropriately.
            Teachers adapt instruction to individual learning needs, differences, and abilities. They continue to rely on parents and community members to supply much of the whys of schooling. Their focus is on imparting the information, skills, and knowledge students will need as they grow intellectually as well as physically. 
            I’ve been privileged to work with a many wonderful teachers who regularly go that “extra mile” to help students successfully master skills necessary for future success. On a personal note, I have been fortunate enough to be on the receiving end of such caring.  
            I went to university at the urging of my father, an attorney, and Great Depression survivor. He felt a university education would help assure me of “depression resistant” employment.  
            I, on the other hand, never intended to go to a university. During my senior year in high school, I landed a part-time job as a technician/announcer at a Detroit area commercial radio station. In addition to transmitter and studio duties, my work required preparing and delivering news and commercials on-the-air. 
            Following graduation from high school, I accepted a full-time position with the station. I loved the work. To satisfy my father’s urgings however, I also enrolled at a local university. My daily schedule became daytime classes and nights on the air. 
            It didn’t take long to discover there are differences between broadcast and university writing. In broadcasting, material is written to be spoken. Reading out loud demands different pacing and phrasing than something you read in a newspaper or book. Radio scripts often use phrases as much as complete sentences to promote easy understanding. But, I discovered, radio writing is not acceptable for academic papers.  
            Like most university newcomers, I was required to take a course called Freshman English. I prepared my first paper using radio writing. It was returned with so many red marks I could barely decipher the original text. An attached note from my professor asked me to make an appointment to see him at his office as soon as possible. Dreading the event, I went. 
            The professor calmly pointed out my writing deficiencies. He held up my red marked paper and said, “great concepts - horrible writing. More of this and you’ll fail not only this course but likely all others at this university. You must learn to write precisely if you wish to stay in school.”  His tone then changed.
            He acknowledged what I had to say was worthy. He also said my writing may sound good when spoken but doesn’t work on paper. He told me academia requires precise language in a form that has been standardized for centuries. He then paused and did something I’ll never forget.  He told me he believed I had what it takes to succeed at the university. “But…” he added, “you must adopt university writing.” He followed this comment with a proposal.
            “If you learn to write academically by the end of this term, I guarantee you will receive an “A” in this course. If you don’t, you will fail regardless of your papers’ content. For you, there is no in-between. It’s an A or an F. Anything less than a properly written meaningful paper will be a failure.”  He then asked, “Are you up for this challenge?” I paused and heard myself say weakly, “Yes.” He gave me a helpful text on academic writing and offered to work with me outside of class. I gratefully accepted his offers. I’m happy to report my final grade in Freshman English was “A.”
            Now, that was teaching! The professor made it clear he believed in my ability. He challenged me to learn a new style of writing and offered support as I learned it. He set a measurable, if somewhat intimidating, goal. When I achieved it, he made good on his promise. 
            Good teachers know their students as well as subject matter. They are adept at motivating, inspiring, clarifying, and easing crises caused by misunderstandings, lack of skills or knowledge. 
            In this an era where schooling is critical to life success, no tool or process has yet proven more effective at helping students succeed than a teacher. Students know this. That is why year after year so many rate - my teacher - as their most valuable learning tool.
 
 

        Early automobile manufacturer, Henry Ford, determined accepting negative words handcuff thinking. Tired of hearing “don’t” and “can’t” from company engineers and executives, he reportedly said, “If you believe you can or you believe you can’t, you’re right!”  Ford pointed out, “do” “don’t,” “can” and “can’t” are beliefs not absolutes.  Accepting any of them colors all thinking thereafter. 
      Another famous inventor, Thomas Edison, echoed Ford’s thoughts as he turned a then mysterious force, electricity, into products that changed the world. Edison’s invention of the practical long-lasting electric light enabled people to extend their day by illuminating the night. But Edison didn’t stop there. He and followers used electricity to create many labor-saving life enriching home and job appliances. Modern medicine, communication, transportation, computing, space exploration and more would have been impossible without Edison’s early work with electricity.
       Edison felt innovation is only possible when people open their minds to possibilities. As with Ford, Edison realized creating anything worthwhile requires effort and willingness to work through failure. His reaction when told about early electric lighting failures was to say great! adding "Now that we know what won’t work, we'll have more time to find what will."
        We  know how this thinking worked out. I’m writing this article on an electronic computer with a lamp keeping my desk bright and my electronic stereo playing favorite background melodies.  
       ​Edison like others before and after him, realized the world is in an ever-constant state of change. We benefit most when we maintain an open mind and willingness to set tradition aside. “Don’t” and “can’t” are inflexible. Success requires experimentation, failure and trying again and again.  
        Instead of accepting words like “don’t” and “can’t” focus on what lifts your spirit. Set goals and get to work. In time your objective, or something better, will most likely be achieved. You risk failure of course, but like Edison, that can be good in that it opens alternatives to success.  Achievement goes to the daring.  When a desire crosses your mind, think can and do. Experiment and keep going. Your result may differ from your original vision but it may just  make you another of the world’s great change makers. 

            Years ago, I played a respectable game of golf except for one thing. I had a horrible tendency to slice the ball to the right every time I had to hit it for distance using a driver or long iron. One summer Saturday I decided to go to a local golf driving range and hit golf balls until I corrected what I was doing wrong. I hit half a bucket of balls with little success. Then something special happened.
            A young woman wearing a sweat suit emblazoned with the logo of a nearby university and the words ‘Women’s Golf Team” approached and asked if she could make a suggestion. I immediately said yes. She told me she’d been watching my struggle and thought she might have a helpful idea. 
            She pointed out when I was using a long ball club, I seemed so focused on improving my distance I unconsciously changed my grip on the club. This, she offered, resulted in an awkward hold that was likely causing my slice. She showed me a different hand position and asked if I’d like to try it.  I said yes. Within minutes my golf balls were flying off the tee 200 or more yards down the middle of the fairway.  
            I thanked the young woman profusely. She said I was very welcome then added, “I watched for 15 minutes before I decided to approach you. I saw you were holding the club in a way that made good shots difficult. I was confident a simple change would help so here I am.” I thanked her for caring and she responded, “Glad I could help then adding, your swing was driving me crazy!”
            That young woman taught me two lessons that day. She helped me improve my golf game but also demonstrated how to be helpful to others.  Never once did she tell me what I ‘should’ do. Instead, she asked questions, made suggestions, demonstrated hand positions then let me work them into my swing in my own way. 
            She began by asking, “Are you trying to send your ball off to the right as is sometimes necessary on golf courses with dog leg fairways or is it happening by accident?” She listened closely as I told her I wanted my golf balls to go strait but couldn’t figure out how to do it.  She offered a suggestion and asked me to try it several times to see if it was comfortable for me. I did, it was and within a few shots my performance dramatically improved. The ball was going where I wanted it to go.  Her calm non-insistent style made it easy for me to make changes. She was a fellow golfer trying to help me solve a problem rather than a “know-it-all” ‘shoulder’ emphasizing my ineptitude and telling me what to do. I appreciated it.
            Today when I see someone who appears in need of help, I think of the young woman who helped me. I try not to ‘should’ them (or myself for that matter). Instead I ask if I can help. If they say yes, I ask what they’re trying to do. If it seems appropriate, I suggest options. Once they decide what they want to do, I step back into support mode and let them work out the details of implementing a suggestion on their own.  
           As I think about it, I realize that young woman, so many years ago in addition to golf tips, taught me the difference between ‘shoulding’ and helping. One makes the recipient feel less about themselves and the other, the hero of their own story.     

          With these words, nineteenth century American humorist, writer and entrepreneur Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) offered his formula for success. By ignorance he wasn’t promoting lack of education. He was acknowledging success comes more readily to people who believe what they want to do is possible. By confidence, he meant seeing oneself actually doing something even if others have failed at the task. Twain’s success notion underpins the stories and suggestions in “Manage Your Life: Active Responses to Challenges.” 
            The book tells true stories of people who reaped great rewards for taking on and handling a challenge. I am alive today, for example, because my parents and I along with courageous doctors believed surgery could correct a deadly birth defect that wasn’t noticed until I reached my teens. The story, including its many life-altering impacts, is told in the book.
            “Manage Your Life…“ is a comfortable read. Each chapter addresses a single life challenge using examples and stories. Readers tell me going through its pages is more like receiving useful advice from a trusted friend than reading the text in a how-to manual. 
            Contained in its thirty chapters are clear and concise explanations as to: why what we think is important; how we can bring love into our life; how to make a job work for us as well as an employer; how to age gracefully; how to complain so others will listen; why it’s important to watch what we say; how to deal with a loss; and much more. 
       “Manage Your Life: Active Responses to Challenges…” can be purchased through major on-line book sellers (Amazon, Barnes and Noble, etc.) in hardcover, paperback and ebook formats. It can also be ordered through local bookstores. 
            

               Working with others is not always easy when the stakes are high and emotions aroused. Disagreements can quickly escalate into unpleasant arguments. Apart from the damage it causes to relationships, getting into an argument can lead to missed opportunities. It can also make you look foolish. All of these realities landed on me at a business meeting when I was a young manager. 
            The institution where I worked was about to invest several million dollars in the construction of a building that would primarily house units I supervised. During planning, the CEO convened a meeting of institution department leaders. He wanted to familiarize them with the project and provide input. Several of my colleagues seized the opportunity to suggest changes to portions of the building so it would better serve their needs. I saw their proposals as financially, physically and practically detrimental to my operations. I became frustrated, lost my temper and loudly proclaimed the building was intended for my units therefore its design should be left to my team. 
            The CEO paused, leaned forward and calmly said, “Let’s get something straight. This facility will be financed, built, owned and operated by this institution. That means it is intended to benefit all staff and clients.” Looking at me he added, “You’ve been selected as the caretaker. You were chosen because your units will be the major tenants and your background, experience and track record suggests you’re the best person for the job. However… while you will oversee the building, its use will be for all employees not just those in your areas. Everyone in this room therefore has a stake in its construction and operation. This means they have the right to suggest things they think will enhance its value to them.” I got the message. I listened more and spoke less. The building was built to the general satisfaction of all. 
            The CEO's comments had lasting impact. Days after the planning session, I was still reviewing my meeting behavior. Usually amicable and cooperative I realized I did, at times, lose my temper. Thinking about those meetings, I also realized almost every time I lost my temper, I lost the argument under discussion. When I was calm however,  even if seething inside, I seldom lost. I wondered why?  
            The answers was in a text on interpersonal relations. Among other things, it said anger upsets people because it is an aggressive act. It reeks of disrespect toward those on the receiving end. Depending on what is said, it may even be used to imply recipients are slow-witted, foolish or malicious. These notions are sure to be taken badly and result in a verbal counterattack or the dismissal of the perpetrator’s comments and ideas. Either response makes constructive action difficult. 
            Reading further, I found frustration and anger are fear-based emotions that trigger our subconscious fight or flight instinct. Apparently, when our mind senses a threat, it permits the subconscious to take control. Blood flow is diverted from the brain to major muscle groups and organs deemed essential to fighting or running away. When blood is drained from the brain however, thinking and reasoning abilities are diminished. No wonder I lost arguments when angry. Neither I, nor the recipients of my words were reasoning effectively. Fortunately, I also learned it's possible to counteract this subconscious activity.
            We can do it by pausing before uttering or responding to angry outbursts. A pause buys time for the rational mind to assess a situation and determine if a fight or flight response is needed. A pause permits us to cool off and tone down emotions. A pause gives us time to pick up hints about an opponent’s motives and objectives. It’s not unusual for someone, in the heat of an argument, to reveal unknown factors at play (personal feelings, objectives, special interests, alliances, biases, etc.). This information can be of great help in negotiating a satisfactory resolution. 
           I found there are two types of people who are particularly adept at arguing. Knowing this fact can be of great value should you encounter them. The first type include people who feel they deserve by birthright, training, education, professional or social status a prominent voice in the decision-making of any group to which they belong. Working successfully with them requires finding ways to massage their egos while still focusing on issues and reason.
             The second category consists of argument actors. These are the people who use the appearance of anger to bully people into complying with their ideas. They know evoking an emotional response from an opponent inhibits their reasoning ability. Argument actors also use fear-filled threats to promote their positions. Their actions boarder on extreme but the antidote is again to once again pause and calmly respond with reason rather than rancor. It may not be easy when an argument actor is in full throat, but it can be very effective.  
            Most arguments are won or lost for reasons apart from the topics in dispute. We improve our chances of success when we remain calm, minimize fear and permit rational thinking to identify workable alternatives. The loudest voice may get the most attention but it is the calm reasoned one that more often wins the argument. re won or lost for reasons apart from the topics in dispute. We improve our chances of success when we remain calm, minimize fear and permit rational thinking to identify workable alternatives. The loudest voice may get the most attention but it is the calm reasoned one that more often wins the argument. 
 
 
 
 
 
 
             
 

​     I’ve been involved in hospital chaplaincy for years. I continue because chaplaincy gives me the opportunity to help others and learn from them. I deal with people of all ages and backgrounds. Absent lifestyle trappings (everybody looks much the same in a hospital gown) people become their true selves in the hospital. Conversations are direct and candid. Two-way communication is enhanced.
      Each week I meet wonderful people who come from many nations, have a variety of skin pigments, social standing, faiths and circumstances. Each provides insight into life and living not limited to their medical situation. I’ve find what I learn applies as much to my everyday living as it does to chaplain work. Perhaps the same will be true for you. With that in mind, here are some realizations I find particularly helpful:
 
  1,  When dealing with a individual in crisis, being there is superior to any other form of support. Being physically present communicates involvement, compassion,  strength, support and caring.  Extensive conversation is not required.
 
   2.  Labeling people according to any criteria is misleading and foolish. I find the term “elderly,” for example, is more applicable to an individual’s attitude than physical age. I’ve met ninety-year-olds who were more youthful than some of the forty-year-olds I’ve dealt with.
 
    3.  The human brain is more flexible and intricate than I imagined. I’ve seen people in coma return to consciousness aware of things that were going on around them  while they were in the coma. Based on these experiences, I’ve encouraged family members who wish to speak to a loved one in coma, to do so. I have also encouraged people desiring closure with an immediately deceased loved one to step up and express their feelings. We don’t know exactly when the spirit leaves the body.
 
    4.  It requires focus to perform something well. Success depends on doing what is needed when it is needed. With illness it is important to mentally focus on needs and positive possibilities. As a chaplain, it is my task to help people find, develop and focus on a sense of hope and peace so they can confidently receive treatment and move into the future.
 
    5.  When speaking with someone in crisis, it is important to help them put what is happening in perspective. Doing this keeps them from wallowing in anger, fear, guilt or anxiety. Interestingly, my success has rested as much on my ability to read body language as it has listening to what they tell me.  I find an individual’s voice and body often say vastly different things. Of the two, the body is the more reliable source.
 
    6.    It is helpful to talk about things as they are. Trying to sugar coat a situation is counterproductive.  When there is a death, use the word died rather than say things like “passed on.” Expressing reality in concrete terms helps people move through the shock of the event more quickly. This is true in all areas of life. Good news or bad, if we call things what they are, we are more likely to take appropriate actions.
 
    7.    While some people desire expressions of faith in a crisis, others do not. Both however, appreciate the presence of a caring individual who is there to comfort them.  Those wishing to avoid religious discussion usually want to talk through their situation free from suggestions of what a faith group thinks they should or should not do. It is important to support all individuals. Those who wish to keep their beliefs to themselves deserve caring without the pressure of conversion.  A medical crisis is the wrong time for preaching.
 
     8.  Never make assumptions about how someone feels in a health or other crisis. A chaplain or other support persons often arrives on the scene during the last 5 minutes of what may have been a lifetime of drama and illness. It is better to offer a simple greeting then ask the individual to share their thoughts. Let the person carry you to where they need to go.
 
   9. When you arrive at a hospital, whether as a patient or visitor, don’t be overwhelmed by the facility and circumstances. Keep in mind help is the reason for its existence. Don’t hesitate to ask questions/directions. Be friendly, permit others to assist you and you may be amazed how warm and cordial the place can be.  
 
    10.  In a hospital or other situation where caregivers are present, always try to acknowledge them. A simple hello is sufficient. Most will respond positively. Hospital and nursing home staff, police, firemen, paramedics and others often deal with high stress crises.  It helps them to know their efforts are recognized and appreciated. Give them this emotional boost.