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Do you find some days so filled you feel it throughout your body? I certainly do. Edginess, a mild upset stomach or general aches remind me I've forgotten to do something important. They tell me I've failed to include “being” time in my schedule.
Being time is a period when you, at least momentarily, free yourself from worries, responsibilities, or that need to know feeling (especially news) long enough to enjoy being alive. The time spent need only be a few minutes. Our increasingly cybernetic world is producing gobs of people walking around with cell phones perched on an ear. I see folks consuming a fast food meal without ever relinquishing time on a cell phone or pecking on a keyboard. Conversing face to face with companions over a meal seems at risk of becoming a lost art. Many of us feel compelled to constantly tune in to the great “out there” through radios, TVs and on-line resources. But... there is a price for this behavior. Physicians tell us this new lifestyle is producing large numbers of people with physical and mental stress related illnesses. Until now, some stress was viewed positively. After all, stress is the mechanism our body uses to prepare us for dealing with danger. We have glands that release chemicals such adrenalin that supply emergency energy in the face of a threat. Our brain diverts blood from other parts of the body to muscle groups to make them ready to repel any attack. These behaviors were helpful when our ancestors had to physically fend off hungry predators or marauding tribesmen. They are less helpful today when stressors are mental more than physical. The down side of the stress response is the fact it raises havoc with our bodies. Unneeded adrenalin puts pressure on our heart. Diverting blood from the digestive system to muscle groups causes unprocessed food to rot creating digestive maladies. Blood diverted from the brain to muscles impairs our thinking ability. Systems that were so valuable in primitive times, today set us up for illness. Fortunately, there is an antidote. It's called “being” time. Being time is a period in which we place concerns and worries on hold long enough to enjoy just being alive. It is enjoying a sunny day or a beautiful sunset. It is appreciating who and what we are, what we have, and where we are going. Being time doesn’t have to last more than a few minutes. But it must be long enough for an overstressed body to return to a more normal status. It must allow for muscles to relax, heart rhythms to slow and positive thinking to emerge. In days past, aching muscles were what told us we needed to relax and we paid attention. Today much physical work done by machines. Our inner relax alarm may thus never be noticed. So, what can we do? How do we relax with a cell phone screaming in our pocket or purse? How do we unwind while facing job and home deadlines? How do we overlook often vastly exaggerated news reports coming at us 24 hours a day from legitimate, questionable and even biased sources? The answer is to build intervals of being time into each day. It is banning electronics at mealtimes and actually talking to others. It is engaging in some form of intentional physical activity for thirty minutes or more several times a week. It is taking occasional five-minute breaks (walk to and from a coffee machine sending smiles and brief hellos to colleagues we meet along the way). It is releasing muscle stress by walking more and sitting less. Being time is consciously pausing at a workstation long enough to unclench teeth, take a few easy breaths and permit our adrenaline level to move toward normal. Being time is pausing to see good around us and remember we too are good and capable.
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When people find out I’m a hospital chaplain, questions and confessions often follow. Typical comments include “How can you do what you do?” and “Isn't it difficult to be around sick people all day?” They often follow these expressions by confessing hospitals make them uncomfortable.
I counter by explaining today’s hospitals are not the drab places people imagine. Most are bright and cheery. Some even have shopping mall areas that include coffee shops, florists, gift shops, a pharmacy, eating places and lounges where family and friends can gather for conversation. I note sick people are merely people like you and me who just happen to need a little extra support while going through a difficult time. I encourage people who are uncomfortable in hospitals to focus on the patient rather than their discomfort. Family and friend visits are powerful medicine. They encourage patients to maintain a positive outlook which is an important part of healing. Once past phobias, people tend to reveal another reason they avoid hospital visits. "I just don't know what to do once I'm there," one man told me. He was afraid he'd say or do something to make things worse for the patient. I assured him a verbal faux pas is unlikely to have more than a momentary impact. Being there however may have a lasting impact. It communicates you care about the patient and that's great medicine. I have a number of suggestions for anyone contemplating a hospital visit. Follow these tips and you'll not only avoid mistakes, the visit will likely be a joy for the patient and you. Suggestion one: Call before visiting. Most hospitals eliminated designated visiting hours but it doesn’t hurt to check. You might also call the patient on their cell or room phone. The patient may not feel up to a visit or have tests or procedures scheduled at the time you plan to visit. A call will avoid an unnecessary drive. Suggestion two: Always knock on the door (or the sill if the door is open) before entering the room. This little courtesy gives the patient a moment to prepare for a visitor. It is especially important if they are momentarily indisposed. Suggestion three: Keep in mind a hospital visit is for the patient not the visitor. Permit the patient to take the lead in conversation. A person cooped up in a hospital room day and night is the recipient rather than originator of most conversations. Hospital staff are caring people but their jobs require they direct patient interaction. It’s a breath of fresh air when a visitor allows the patient to take the lead. Give them this gift. Suggestion four: Permit the patient to express their thoughts and feelings freely. You can get a conversation started by asking them to tell why they're hospitalized and what’s been happening to them. Listen attentively but keep your talk to a minimum until the patient has clearly told you what they want you to know. Suggestion five: Avoid sharing stories about your or other people's illnesses, surgeries or injuries. The patient's concern at this time is and must be them. They are trying to get past an illness. Stories about others hold little meaning and may be depressing. Suggestion six: This should be obvious but you'd be surprised how often it occurs. In a visitor's nervousness over what to say, they often share a horror story about someone in a circumstance similar to the patient. Keep your conversation positive focused on the patient. Suggestion seven: Do not question the doctor’s diagnosis and treatment plan. Don't ask the patient if they considered a second opinion. These comments undermine confidence in their treatment and destroy a patient's morale. If you have a concern, ask a nurse or doctor outside the room. Confidentiality laws may not permit them to say much but you can at least voice your concern and opinion. Suggestion eight: A word on religion. You may have strong religious beliefs but keep in mind a hospital visit is not the time to share them. Unless the patient specifically requests you share them (without prompting from you), keep your religious thoughts to yourself. Religion is powerful but also personal. Suggestion nine: Don’t stay too long. If you notice the patient is beginning to look agitated or tired, take that as your cue to leave. Making a sick call need not be difficult. Do it in a spirit of caring and your intuition will guide you. |
AuthorDr. Kent Voigt is an educator, chaplain and author. Archives
September 2021
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